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I’ve had a Seeing Eye dog for the last five years now. I asked for a german chepoard, because chepoards look more wolfish than most other dogs, and people are scared of wolves, not atracted by them. Instead I got a yellow lab. People think yellow labs are the cutest dogs ever, or at least that’s what they all tell me.
Every day, where ever I go, I have a conversation that starts with someone telling me what a beautiful dog I have, I tell them thank you very much, they ask me how old he is, I answer, and then they say a few more things about the dog, tell me it was nice meeting me as an afterthought, and then they go on there way.
If you’ve had this conversation with me, you might notice that I start getting a glassy eyed look at the beginning of it, my face probably slackens as I go through the motions. Its not your fault. Its just that I have the same conversation around five or six times a day, so it stopped having any meaning about four years, eleven months and thirty days ago.
I get pissed whenever I have to have it because I’ve had it so many times and all that I can think while I’m having it is about how many more times I’m going to have it before I die.
I was trying to figure out why it bothered me so much, and finally the answer came to me. Owning a cute dog is the closest a guy will ever come to being a hot chick.
Sometimes I watch as dudes hit on girls and I can just tell that about nine tenths of that girls brain is focussed on something she considers more important than making polite conversation whith whomevers flirting with her. I can hear the deadness in her voice which says, “I really don’t want to be having this conversation but there isn’t a nice way of getting out of it.” Even I can see the flat cold stare she’s giving the guy whose trying out his dumbass line on her. She’s heard it before, and he just keeps going like the next shitty thing he says is suddenly going to turn the situation around for him.
And here’s where having a dog and being a hot chick are similar. Girls, if a guy walks up to you out of the blue and starts to flirt with you, its not because you have a great personality, though you probably do, its because you have a great body. You defenetly don’t need me to explain this to you. Pretty girls are used to this happening, and so they have varius defenses to get around it. I totally get that now.
Because the dudes that hit on chicks aren’t really hitting on the girl based on what she’s like as a person, but for what she looks like as a person. Sometimes I’m sure its flattering, but other times, most times, I assume based on what its like having a dog, its probably annoying as hell.
My dog overshadows me because its more atractive than I am. Of course I resent this because I love being the center of attention. But people totally don’t get that they aren’t the first person to walk up to me to tell me the dogs cute, just like most dudes that walk up to chicks and say something they think is clever are just the latest shmuck in a long line of shmucks to bother them with something they’ve heard word for word before.
The funny part about this is that although I realize what a pain it must be to constantly be flirted with when you aren’t interested, I’m not going to stop flirting with atractive women I happen to meet, and I also realize that no one is going to stop telling me my dogs cute. Why? Because both conversations make at least one person involved happy. When men flirt with women, we assume they might be into us, and when people tell me my dogs cute, they assume either I don’t know, or its nice to hear for the sixth time today.