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Humanity has invented a lot of great shit over the years. Printing press, the car, the cigarette, the television, the telephone, penicillin, the list goes on and on. But I’ve been thinking about it and I’ve decided that some things have to go, because either they were never necessary in the first place, or they are not necessary today.

1. The penny.
Why it has to go. It now costs more to make a penny than the value of the coin itself. To mint a penny costs about 1.5 cents, which makes absolutely no sense at all. Minting a coin above its actual value. Well, its just throwing pennies down the drain.
What to do with it until it goes.
1. Melt it down for the value of the copper.
2. Use them to try and derail trains.

2. The coffin.
Why it has to go. Coffins are usually wood. Wood rots in the ground, coffins are in the ground, therefore, much like the bodies they hold, coffins eventually decay. See, a coffins just a big kick in the balls to the grieving families of the recently deceased. Your father dies, and in addition to that suckage, you now have to sell out about a grand to throw him into a wooden box which is going to rot away pretty soon anyway. Useless expense and a waste of trees. Save a tree, get cremated.
. Use it as a trunk. Holds more than a suitcase and most people will be to squeamish to open it, making your stuff much safer while traveling.
2. If you want to be real alternative, Goth, or badass, use it as a bed. Who would fuck with someone who admits to sleeping in a coffin?
3. Disassemble it and make a table. That, or take the top lid off and you get a free door.
3. Stuffed animals. Ever own a stuffed dog? Stuffed cat? Stuffed fish? Stuffed rabbit? Stuffed bird of some form? Well, if you did, or still do, I have news for you. In the world today, you can go out and buy, for almost the same price, rabbits, birds, dogs and cats and fish. We have millions of dogs with no homes getting put to sleep, and people go out and buy stuffed dogs? Seems weird to me. Buying a fake animal when you could have the real thing. Sure, the cost of caring for an animal is a little higher, but I’ve decided that people who own stuffed animals are like fat people who drink diet soda. Posers. Stuffed bares and tigers are still allowed to exist because those animals are too dangerous for people to own.
What to do with them until their gone.
1. Use them as pillows
2. Drug smuggling. Cut open a stuffed dog, throw a pound of coke into the place where stuffing used to be, and if your lucky, no one gives it a second glance. Try doing the same to a real dog and people will look because the real dog will now be dead and thus an awful way to smuggle anything.

4. Decafinated coffee, herbal cigarettes.
Things to pretend to be what they aren’t. If you don’t want as much caffeine, drink tea, or water. If you don’t want to die of cancer, quit smoking, but don’t pretend to be smoking or drinking when you can’t handle it.
what to do with these things until they’re gone.
1. Nothing.
5. Belts.
why they need to go. With obesity on the rise in this country, most people are too fat to need belts, and thin people should be wearing tight pants to show off the fact that they’re thin. We can keep belt buckles as a fashion accessory, but the belts themselves should go. Buy pants with the right sized waste, its not rocket science. When you lose weight, buy new pants. I mean, how stupid is the phrase, “I think you need a belt with those?” You don’t need a belt, you just need a smaller sized pair of pants.
what to do with them until they’re gone.
Use them as restraints, whips, or as a holder for your multiple pairs of glass’s.
6. Speaking of which. prescription glass’s. Get contacts, idiots.
Alternative uses until their gone. Killing ants.
7. escalators.
Seriously? I have no idea how this ever happened. If your in a rush, run up the stairs! If you have a physical problem that makes it so you can’t take the stairs, an escalator probably won’t help you.
Alternative uses until their gone. Run them backwards and you have a communal stair master.