how the internet eats through all my time

The Internet is a wonderful thing. Because of it, pornography, movie reviews, football scores, workarounds to college level research papers, and much more are at my fingertips. When I’m not using it for those things, however, there are sights that will suck me in and waste all of my precious time. In order of time wasted, here they are.

1. http://en.wikipedia.com

Ah, wikipedia, how much useless information you’ve taught me. I admit it, I’m a wikipedia junky. I read articles on everything going on around me, and glean just enough from these articles to make myself feel productive. If I’m sitting in a chair, suddenly I feel like its very important to spend the next ten minutes reading the article about chairs. The article begins. ”

A chair is a raised surface used to sit on.” No shit. I mean, seriously, why does this article exist? If you’re reading wikipedia, you are probably in a chair already. I want to edit the article to say. “Stand, turn around, look, chair.”

If I watch a movie, I feel that its ascentialto read the article about it. like I’ll come to a deeper understanding of the work by reading the badly written plot summary. Nothing more depressing than reading a half coherent plot summary for a movie you really hated in the first place. Not to mention that wikipedia is an invaluable aid for writing every paper I’ve been assigned since freshman year, but all in all, it wastes my time.

2. http://textsfromlastnight.com Oh, the sweet witticisms of my brothers in sisters in debauchery. Some texts remind me of nights I’ve had, some remind me why people should never drink, some remind me that half of the world should be shot, some make me jealous as Fuck. But all of them, unfortunately, waste my goddamned precious time.

3. http://theavclub.com A sight collecting interviews with celebrities, quirky rants, book, music, and film reviews, I spend more time on this sight reading about albums I’ll never listen to, books I’ll never read and movies I’ll never watch than I do actually watching, listening to, or reading anything that the sight does review. For some reason I feel like I gain something from being able to speak authoritatively about the books I haven’t actually cracked open or the movies I’ve never sat through.

4. freerice.com Its a game that tests your vocabulary, and for every word you get right, seven grains of rice are sold as bribes to an African warlord, two are lost, and one is given to starving people in awful countries. yay. Wasting time and money simultaneously.

5. facebook. I really don’t need to give the address to this one. Oh, how it warms my heart to read the status updates of people I said about fifteen words to all through high school, but now we’re linked in a cycle of mutual vague curiosity. I don’t care that someone just got a cow in Farmville, but for some reason, I keep logging in.

2010
03/30
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